Godfather-Godly Father

Let me make it clear, this isn’t any fiction story that was cooked in my mind and was served to you in a hot and neat manner. This is a story of a person who I dreamt to be when I was a grown-up, and speaking technically the person I adore to the core. The one and only Godfather. I agree this is a story of a gangster/mob dealer/murderer/don…but above all this story is a storehouse of excellent verbose by the characters.

I’m ain’t here to influence you towards any kind of violence nor its performing artists. I’m here to tell you a story of a 19-year-old boy who read The  Godfather book for the first time, later watched the movie and how he became a cult fan of “Don Vito Corleone “ aka The Godfather. He isn’t just a fan he was a follower, devote and subsequently treated him as a Godly father for his philosophy, love towards family and friends, his attitude towards enemies and moreover for his wits and wisdom.

Firstly who is Godfather/ Don Corleone…  The Godfather is a fictional character created by an American Author Mario Puzo in his crime thriller novel (titled the same) in the year 1969.  The novel was a huge success and has set a new benchmark in the crime genre. Later it was adapted into a feature film with the same title directed by Francis Ford Coppola.

To make it simple, Godfather is a tale of how an orphan from Sicily immigrated to the United States at the turn of the 20th century, formed the Corleone crime family and became the lion head. And upon his death, how his son took charge and raised the bars of the family to an unfair level, is all about what Godfather is.. But this is not the way to tell a story.. So let me explain it in detail..

The movie/book juxtaposes the lives of Vito Corleone and his son Michael Corleone at similar ages, and is a prime example of “the sins of the father are to be laid upon the children.” Vito slowly rises to power and would go on to achieve wealth and power, control over politicians and judges, the ability to form alliances with other powerful gangsters and to have many loyal capos to do his bidding.

However, Don Corleone’s sins have been passed on to Michael. As his father had influence in the world of politics, his son is being dragged before a congressional hearing to testify about his connections to organized crime, and a local senator in his new hometown of Las Vegas shows nothing but content for Michael. A former business associate of Don Corleone, Hyman Roth, is trying to kill his son in secret and utilizes one of his loyal capos to undermine Michael’s power.

The foundation that Don Corleone built is coming back to haunt his son, bringing him nothing but grief and tragedy. The parallel storylines prove that no one can escape karma, and even if Don Corleone didn’t suffer or pay for all of his sins, his son Michael must surely answer for them.

The Godfather is a thick movie. Even at three hours, it leaves you wanting more at the end.  The scenes patiently unfold, the characters develop gracefully through observation not narration, some scenes are there strictly for their aesthetic.  It sets the bar for film storytelling, even today and has been regarded as a masterpiece since its release. It’s creative cinematography, haunting score and unforgettable performances by such actors as Marlon Brandi and alpacino made the multigenerational saga an enduring cultural touchstone.

The two films won nine Oscars and all the actors got critically acclaimed for their incredible performance including The Academy Award for Best Actor to Marlon Brando, who made us believe how Vito lived, conquered and died.

So, what made me like Godfather…. Well, there are lot more things so let me keep these things in a dominant order...

Family

“A man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man”

As we all know building a business is a hard work. It requires countless hours spent stressing, planning, focusing – and no guarantees at the end of it. And it requires Olympic level mental energy. You have to prioritize your time, but don’t let your family come second. You’re doing it for them, right? What’s the point if they’re not there when it’s all done?

Vito’s point is also the same, as we all knew that family is the huge theme that runs throughout the story. Whether it may be in the 5 powerful families or the Corleone’s itself. The family plays a very crucial role in every decision or the action they take. We all can still remember the scene where Vito asks his elder son Sonny whether he is spending time with his family or not... The lines “A man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man” can explain a lot of how much they love their family. It’s not just loving the family, it also matters caring.

“It doesn’t matter if you are earning millions while your family is depressed and sad. No matter what! Keep your family happy and safe, it’s nothing wrong to kill a person if he is going to take away your families happiness”. And it is exactly what Micheal did when he comes to know that his own brother Fredo who is also a Corleone himself, is trying to kill him and takes sides against the family.

POWER AND RESPECT

“I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse”

In the context of mafia and politics, power and respect holds the highest priority than anything else, And Vito Corleone is the Godfather for that qualities. He is a man of action rather than words, his words can influence people, his decisions can fear people and he can be loved and respected by the people. He choose violence not for fear but for power.

When Vito killed Don Fanucci, it was not for money or for the power, it is for the freedom of his business, which eventually brought him power and respect in the neighborhood. Though Vito had the power to move the government by using his influence with his political friends and policies within the party, he never misused them. He strived to uphold the belief that people kept on him, though he made many businesses he never starved for money but in return asked for their friendship.

Don Corleone is not a man, he is a kind of private government with no rules and regulations, but power and respect. He is kind of dictator to the America where his words are meant seriously and actions are witnessed brutally. That’s the reason his offers are never refused.

By granting these favors and helping people with their problems, Vito Corleone is building a network of influence–relationships that may or may not deliver a specific or quantifiable return, but all which serve to strengthen his power base and which have the potential to be reciprocal in the long run.

Friendship

Keep your friends close and enemies closer

Don Corleone is a man of respect and loyalty not only to his work but to his friends and family too. He loves his family and values friendship than anyone else. If you remember the scene when Vito’s old friend Bonesara comes to him and asks him to murder the people who raped his daughter, is the best example to showcase how much he values friendship. The words “Friendship is everything. Friendship is more than talent. It is more than the government. It is almost the equal of family.” can convey the love and respect he has for friends. With family and friends, he’s a nurturer, seeing the best and worst of those he loves. He works to bring out the best while gently mentoring to subdue the worst. With all people, he is a great judge of character

Philosophy

Great men aren’t born great, they grow great

Godfather is a kind of character with philosophy under the skin. He may not be a great scholar, but trust me he is the man who can understand the human philosophy better than anyone else. He himself said that “I learned more in the streets than in any classroom”.

When coming to business, many people don’t like to talk about the fact that in business, there are winners and losers. When Sonny Corleone reacts impulsively and emotionally, he gets taken out. In business, if you don’t take the opportunity to out-sell, outbid, or out-market your competitor, they’ll take you out. I’m not suggesting doing anything outside the boundaries of morality or rightness–simply pointing out that when people make emotional decisions, they start making bad decisions. To lead successfully, you have to take your emotion and ego out of the equation, not only in business but in life too

Quotes

Revenge is a dish better served cold

The reason for mentioning quotes is that, along with the characters, their words play a major role in influencing you. Godfather is such a character with a storehouse of excellent verbose by the characters. All his words have a bit of satire and irony engulfed in them and they help break the cliche portrayal of the mafia and gangsters. It’s a strong deviation from how the gangsters behave and are presented on screen speaking famous lines like –

 ”I am going to make him an offer he can’t refuse”

“A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man”

“Revenge is a dish better served cold.”

“Great men aren’t born great, they grow great”

“Never hate your enemies. It affects your judgment”

“The lawyer with the briefcase can steal more money than the man with the gun”

“Never let anyone know what you are thinking.”

“Confidence is silent, Insecurities are loud”

“Women and children can be careless but not men”

“Don’t raise your voice, increase your argument”

Performance

The term masterpiece is often seen as subjective, as some films will be considered masterpieces, but individual viewers may find them displeasing and dull. Often, those are reactions from people who want films to jump out at them such as certain action or horror films. However, most critics and scholars of the film see The Godfather and The Godfather: Part II as masterpieces along with many film fans, the first movie is indeed a masterpiece in filmmaking.

The reason for mentioning performance is that it is hard to enact a person’s life and his struggles, it is even more difficult when the character is a big successful one. The same thing happened with Godfather (Marlon Brando), when the book was released it was a huge success and Don Corleone character created a kind of impact in people on a larger scale. When the movie was being made, then surely the expectations would be even higher.  

Though with so much pressure from the communities and hatred from the producers, Marlon Brando pulled off the role with so much ease and perfection, is what remembered today as one of the greatest characters of all time. The way he enacted the character, with his rasping voice and jowly cheeks became a benchmark in method acting and eventually created a trend in the movies.

Interpretation

After witnessing all these qualities how you can imagine a man can still be constant without getting a fan for his character or speaking technically being trapped in the Godfather Effect. That’s what happened to me when I was 19.

While I was reading the book, the very first page itself grabbed my attention which eventually led me to complete the book within less than a month. Till then Godfather is a character with no shape of personality but with philosophy breathing in my brain. After watching the movie I was spellbound, the respect and love I had for Godfather had increased to an unfair level and the personality had finally got a shape that can never be replaced with any other character.

Though I’m not a fan of violence, his love towards family, his struggle for getting success, his power and respect that he earned, made me influenced to that character in many ways which eventually led to a stage that where Godfather became a Godly Father to me.

Eventually it led to a stage where like, “If I was in any situation, I would think in a way that ‘what if Don Corleone do when he was in such a situation, what would his attitude would be to face the problem, how wise should we able to look at the world, and how to be respectable by the people, how to love your family and friends” and the list goes on….

I think, now you can figure me out more, why I choose him and love him above all the characters. I can still feel Don Corleone sitting on the other end of the table with his oily hair, jowly cheeks, with a rose to his chest pocket and brushing the cat’s hair by staring at me and saying in his rasping voice “I’m gonna make you an offer that you can’t refuse..”

Articles vs Blogs – Are They the Same?

Whatever product, service or personal reason you have to create a website, it all starts at one point. Great content. Without great content, it is difficult to stand apart from the crowd. This is especially true with business websites. How will you provide information to your readers and let them know that you’re an authority on the subject (product or service)?

Two great mediums for adding fresh content to your site is through writing articles and blogs. While many people use these interchangeably, there are some important differences. Adding content in the form of a blog or article is important because it informs your readers and, if done right, it can help give the website a position of authority.

Depending on your particular website and its mission will help you decide whether you should write blogs and/or articles. Either way, just know that you are able to use both blogs and articles to boost your SEO and provide great content to your readers.

The Difference Between Articles & Blogs
Although there is technically a difference between writing an article and writing a blog, know that these lines are often crossed by those who are not fully aware of these differences.

Articles: 

• Articles can vary greatly in their length, usually consisting of anywhere between 500 and 2,000 (or more!) words.
• Articles are often meant to inform and are more formal in their construction.
• Articles are detailed, informative, and fact-based.

Blogs :

• Blogs are shorter and are usually 200 – 500 words in length.
• Blogs are more casual and provide a great way to personally connect with website readers.
• Blogs provide a personal, inside point of view.
• Blogs are (expected to be) updated more frequently than articles.

Should I Use Both?

Adding both articles and blogs to your website is a really great idea! This way you are not only providing small, snippets of information to those who are looking for specific information in a nice, neat and compacted form, you are also giving the high-quality information on specific topics that many people are looking for in a full-blown article.

If you do decide to write both, put links in your blogs so that if people want to read the full story that’s in the article, they can easily do so. (Linking your pages together is also good for SEO)

Need To Know

When deciding to write an article, be sure that it contains all the quality information that visitors are looking for! Don’t try to make a small article longer by adding in more fluff (extra keywords, further info that has no bearing, too much repetition) as your readers will recognize this, and if they are like the majority of people who come across a fluff article, they will stop reading as they come to realize that they aren’t truly getting the quality information they were initially looking for

How To Write a Blog Post!!!!!

How to Write a Blog Post: A Simple Formula + 5 Free Blog Post Templates

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You've probably heard how paramount blogging is to the success of your marketing. Without it, your SEO will tank, you'll have nothing to promote in social media, you'll have no clout with your leads and customers, and you'll have fewer pages to put those oh-so-valuable calls-to-action that generate inbound leads. Need I say more?

So why, oh why, does almost every marketer I talk to have a laundry list of excuses for why they can't consistently blog? Maybe because, unless you're one of the few people who actually like writing, business blogging kind of stinks. You have to find words, string them together into sentences, and ughhh where do you even start?

Well my friend, the time for excuses is over. After you read this post, there will be absolutely no reason you can't blog every single day -- and do it quickly. Not only am I about to provide you with a simple blogging formula to follow, but I'm also going to give you free templates for creating five different types of blog poss: 

• The How-To Post
• The List-Based Post
• The Curated Collection Post
• The Slide Share Presentation Post
• The News jacking Post

Download our free blog post templates here and learn how to write 5 different types of blog posts.

With all this blogging how-to, literally anyone can blog as long as they truly know the subject matter they're writing about. And since you're an expert in your industry, there's no longer any reason you can't sit down every day and hammer out an excellent blog post.

Writing a Blog Post: A Simple Formula to Follow

1) Understand your audience.

Before you start to write, have a clear understanding of your target audience. What do they want to know about? What will resonate with them? This is where creating your buyer personas comes in handy. Consider what you know about your buyer personas and their interests while you're coming up with a topic for your blog post.

For instance, if your readers are Millennials looking to start their own business, you probably don't need to provide them with information about getting started in social media -- most of them already have that down. You might, however, want to give them information about how to adjust their approach to social media from a more casual, personal one to a more business-savvy, networking-focused approach. That kind of tweak is what separates you from blogging about generic stuff to the stuff your audience really wants (and needs) to hear.

2) Start with a topic and working title.

Before you even write anything, you need to pick a topic for your blog post. The topic can be pretty general to start with. For example, if you're a plumber, you might start out thinking you want to write about leaky faucets. Then you might come up with a few different working titles -- in other words, iterations or different ways of approaching that topic to help you focus your writing.  For example, you might decide to narrow your topic to "Tools for Fixing Leaky Faucets" or "Common Causes of Leaky Faucets." A working title is specific and will guide your post so you can start writing.

Let's take a real post as an example: "How to Choose a Solid Topic for Your Next Blog Post." Appropriate, right? The topic, in this case, was probably simply "blogging." Then the working title may have been something like, "The Process for Selecting a Blog Post Topic." And the final title ended up being "How to Choose a Solid Topic for Your Next Blog Post."

See that evolution from topic, to working title, to final title? Even though the working title may not end up being the final title (more on that in a moment), it still provides enough information so you can focus your blog post on something more specific than a generic, overwhelming topic.

3) Write an intro (and make it captivating).

We've written more specifically about writing captivating introductions in the post, "How to Write an Introduction [Quick Tip]," but let's review, shall we?

First, grab the reader's attention. If you lose the reader in the first few paragraphs -- or even sentences -- of the introduction, they will stop reading even before they've given your post a fair shake. You can do this in a number of ways: tell a story or a joke, be empathetic, or grip the reader with an interesting fact or statistic.

Then describe the purpose of the post and explain how it will address a problem the reader may be having. This will give the reader a reason to keep reading and give them a connection to how it will help them improve their work/lives. 

4) Organize your content.

Sometimes, blog posts can have an overwhelming amount of information -- for the reader and the writer. The trick is to organize the info so readers are not intimidated by the length or amount of content. The organization can take multiple forms -- sections, lists, tips, whatever's most appropriate. But it must be organized!

Let's take a look at the post, "Productivity Tools and Techniques to Stop Wasting Away Your Workday." There is a lot of content in this post, so we broke it into four main sections using headers -- Checking Email; Blocking Distractions; Sourcing Content; and Meetings, Collaboration, and Brainstorming. The sections are then separated into sub-sections that to go into more detail and also make the content easier to read and less intimidating using sub-headers.

To complete this step, all you really need to do is outline your post. That way, before you start writing, you know which points you want to cover, and the best order in which to do it. To make things even easier, you can also download and use our free blog post templates, which are pre-organized for five of the most common blog post types. Just fill in the blanks! 

5) Write!

The next step -- but not the last -- is actually writing the content. We couldn't forget about that, of course.

Now that you have your outline/template, you're ready to fill in the blanks. Use your outline as a guide and be sure to expand on all of your points as needed. Write about what you already know, and if necessary, do additional research to gather more information, examples, and data to back up your points, providing proper attribution when incorporating external sources. 

Don't worry about the length of your post. Like my high school teachers used to say, "just make it as long as it needs to be" to be high quality and helpful.

6) Edit/proofread your post, and fix your formatting.

You're not quite done yet, but you're close! The editing process is an important part of blogging -- don't overlook it. Ask a grammar-conscious co-worker to copy edit and proofread your post, and consider enlisting the help of The Ultimate Editing Checklist. Then check your formatting for the following ...

Featured Image 

Make sure you choose a visually appealing and relevant image for your post. As social networks treat content with images more prominently, visuals are now more responsible than ever for the success of your blog content in social media. And with data showing emails with images are preferred to those without, including images is also extremely important for the emails you send to your blog subscribers.

For help selecting an image for your post, read "How to Select the Perfect Image for Your Next Blog Post" -- and pay close attention to the section about copyright law.

Visual Appearance

No one likes an ugly blog post. And it's not just pictures that make a post visually appealing -- it's the formatting and organization of the post, too. 

In a properly formatted and visually appealing blog post, you'll notice that headers and sub-headers are used to break up large blocks of text -- and those headers are styled consistently. Screenshots always have a similar, defined border so they don't appear as if they're floating in space. The style stays consistent from post to post. Maintaining this consistency makes your content (and your brand) look more professional, and makes it easier on the eyes.

Topics/Tags

Tags are specific, public-facing keywords that describe a post. They also allow readers to browse for more content in the same category on your blog. Refrain from adding a laundry list of tags to each post. Instead, put some thought into a tagging strategy. Think of tags as "topics" or "categories," and choose 10-20 tags that represent all the main topics you want to cover on your blog. Then stick to those. 

7) Insert a call-to-action (CTA) at the end.

At the end of every blog post, you should have a CTA that indicates what you want the reader to do next -- subscribe to your blog, download an ebook, register for a webinar or event, read a related article, etc. Typically, you think about the CTA being beneficial for the marketer. Your visitors read your blog post, they click on the CTA, and eventually you generate a lead. But the CTA is also a valuable resource for the person reading your content -- use your CTAs to offer more content similar to the subject of the post they just finished reading.

In the blog post, "How to Strategically Promote SlideShare Presentations on Your Blog," for instance, readers are given tactical ways to promote their SlideShare presentations on their blog. At the end of the post is a CTA referring readers to download a PowerPoint template for SlideShare presentations.

See how that's a win-win for everyone? Readers who want to learn more have the opportunity to do so, and the business receives a lead they can nurture ... who may even become a customer! Learn more about how to choose the right CTA for every blog post in this article.

8) Optimize for on-page SEO.

After you finish writing, go back and optimize your post for search.

Don't obsess over how many keywords to include. If there are opportunities to incorporate keywords you're targeting, and it won't impact reader experience, do it. If you can make your URL shorter and more keyword-friendly, go for it. But don't cram keywords or shoot for some arbitrary keyword density -- Google's smarter than that!

Here's a little reminder of what you can and should look for, but if you want a really detailed explanation, I suggest you read this blog post.

Meta Description

Meta descriptions are the descriptions below the post's page title on Google's search results pages. They provide searchers with a short summary of the post before clicking into it. They are ideally between 150-160 characters and start with a verb, such as "Learn," "Read," or "Discover." While meta descriptions no longer factor into Google's keyword ranking algorithm, they do give searchers a snapshot of what they will get by reading the post and can help improve your click through rate from search.

Page Title and Headers

Most blogging software uses your post title as your page title, which is the most important on-page SEO element at your disposal. But if you've followed our formula so far, you should already have a working title that will naturally include keywords/phrases your target audience is interested in. Don't over-complicate your title by trying to fit keywords where they don't naturally belong. That said, if there are clear opportunities to add keywords you're targeting to your post title and headers, feel free to take them. Also, try to keep your headlines short -- ideally, under 65 characters -- so they don't get truncated in search engine results.

Anchor Text

Anchor text is the word or words that link to another page -- either on your website or on another website. Carefully select which keywords you want to link to other pages on your site, because search engines take that into consideration when ranking your page for certain keywords.

It's also important to consider which pages you link to. Consider linking to pages that you want to rank well for that keyword. You could end up getting it to rank on Google's first page of results instead of its second page, and that ain't small potatoes.

Mobile Optimization

Having a website that is responsive or designed for mobile has become more and more critical. According to a report by Google, "What Users Want Most From Mobile Sites Today," 74% of users say they're also more likely to return to a site in the future if it's mobile-friendly. As a result of information like this and other similar statistics, Google is now prioritizing websites that are optimized for mobile. 

Learn more about effective mobile optimization in this free mobile marketing guide.

9) Pick a catchy title.

Last but not least, it's time to spruce up that working title of yours. Luckily, we have a simple formula for writing catchy titles that will grab the attention of your reader. Here's what to consider:

1. Start with your working title.
2. As you start to edit your title, keep in mind that it's important to keep the title accurate and clear.
3. Then, work on making your title sexy -- whether it's through strong language, alliteration, or another literary tactic.
4. If you can, optimize for SEO by sneaking some keywords in there (only if it's natural, though!).
5. Finally, see if you can shorten it at all. No one likes a long, overwhelming title -- and remember, Google prefers 65 characters or fewer before it truncates it on its search engine results pages.

Being Happy!!!!!

Value happiness: Happiness can be learned, but finding meaning and a purpose in life is what leads to it, not the other way around

I found myself saying: ‘Right now, no, but I will be again, I’m pretty sure of that. And you’re not to worry. No one can expect to be happy all the time.’ And yet it seems the pursuit of happiness has become a national preoccupation. 

Eminent economists, politicians and psychologists debate endlessly about the best way to create a happy society, while David Cameron’s ‘happiness index’ aims to pin down just how content we are. 

Plenty of woolly self-help books exist which promise to unlock the secret of happiness. Just last week, the Institute of Economic Affairs concluded rather prosaically that money had a large part to play. 

But I’ve found, when my life isn’t going to plan, there are plenty of simple things that help — for starters, my friends, my son and my dog. Then there’s walking in the countryside, getting lost in a good book, learning something new, still being a size 10 as I approach 60, a new recipe that turns out well. The list is endless.

But a new book tries to probe deeper. In it, you won’t find spiritual philosophy, but evidence-based material that aims to unlock the secrets of happy people. In the World Book Of Happiness, Leo Bormans has drawn together the research and discoveries of the world’s leading experts on the psychology of happiness. Researchers have questioned thousands of people and what he has discovered is as surprising as it is inspiring.

ACCEPT WHAT YOU HAVE

Research shows that happy people have modest levels of expectation and aspirations — they want what they can get — while unhappy people never seem to get what they want. They also know how to avoid disappointments and how to generate pleasant surprises. This is because they strive for realistic goals and are happy with their lot. As Dr Jose de Jesus Garcia Vega, of the University of Monterrey, Mexico, confirms, we must accept things as they come. 

‘We spend a lot of time complaining about the things that happen to us, but this is a waste of time and effort,’ he says. ‘To be happy, we need to enjoy what we have.’

ENJOY WHAT YOU DO

Happy people do what they enjoy and enjoy what they do — and don’t do it for the money  or glory. There’s no point being stuck in a job you hate, surrounded by unfriendly colleagues just because the money is good — people forget that they are allowed to be happy at work, too. Many spend the best years of their lives trying to make money, sacrificing their health and family in the process, says Dr Garcia Vega. Later, they spend the same money they made working trying to recover their lost health and estranged family. 

LIVE FOR TODAY

Don’t dwell on the past, on things that went wrong or previous failures. Similarly, don’t dream about an idealised future that doesn’t exist or worry about what hasn’t happened yet. Happy people live for the now; they have positive mind sets. If you can’t be happy today, what makes you think tomorrow will be different?

CHOOSE HAPPINESS

Don’t be afraid to step back and re-evaluate your goals. Imagine your life as a story that you can edit and revise as you  go along. This kind of flexible approach requires positive thinking and an open mind — you need to actively choose to be happy.

She found that ‘voluntarists’ (people who feel they have free choice and complete control over their life) were happier than fatalists (people who think little can be changed by personal intervention). ‘You always have the freedom to choose the manner in which you wish to approach any given situation,’ says Dr Garcia Vega.This theory is backed up by Ingrida Geciene of Vilnius University, Lithuania, who researched the happiness of people in 31 European countries. 

Luckily for us, Northern European countries contain more voluntarists while Latin European countries such as Spain and Italy have a higher percentage of fatalists.  

RELATIONSHIPS

We get our happiness from other people, and from supporting other people. Remember that just as other people can make us happy, we are all ‘other people’ to someone else. And cherish people who are important to you. Research also shows that married people are happier than single people.

STAY BUSY

If you want to be happier, develop an outgoing, social personality — accept that drinks invitation, join the walking club, book group or choir. The best way to savour pleasure is in the company of others. Build a rich social life, says Eunkook M. Suh, a psychology professor at Yonsei University in Seoul, not as an obligation, but because it is rewarding, meaningful and fun.

Active, busy, social people are the healthiest and happiest, in society. Get involved: make your motto ‘use it or lose it.’ 

DON'T COMPARE

Ambition is healthy and makes people happy, explains Claudia Senik, a professor  at the University of  Paris-Sorbonne, but envy makes them unhappy. Yet comparisons with others can spoil the benefits of ambition and are only useful if you learn something from them. Focus on your goals and dreams  so you can enjoy  your ambition and achievements.

BE YOURSELF

Just as you shouldn’t compare yourself with others, it’s important not to worry about what others think about you — then you can truly be yourself. 

Happy people are spontaneous, natural and real; they  say what they think and  feel, and aren’t concerned what others think of them. Being oneself makes one feel free  and authentic.

STOP WORRYING

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Happy people don’t worry  and they recognise that 90 per cent of worries never come true.

GET ORGANISED

You might envy those laid-back bohemian types who just do things on the spur of the moment, but don’t be fooled. Happy people plan and organise, they have goals and a purpose. You can only get what you want or desire if you know what it is you want or desire in the first place. So while those chilled-out friends might seem happy, they’re actually just drifting along. 

THINK POSITIVE

Bottling up emotions and bad feelings creates psychological distress and physical discomfort. Happy people get things off their chest, their motto is: get rid of it, or it will get rid of you. Similarly, work at developing optimistic thinking; happy people always look on the  bright side. 

Successful athletes know to focus on winning, not losing, explains Miriam Akhtar, one of the first positive psychologists in the UK. We need to switch from a negative, glass-half-empty outlook to a glass-half-full and put optimism into practice to be happiest. Optimism is the mind’s natural self-defence mechanism against depression.

VALUE HAPPINESS

Happiness can be learned, but finding meaning and a purpose in life is what leads to it, not the other way around. The happiest people appreciate and realise that being happy adds years to their life, and life to their years.

The Four Stages Of Life...

Life is a bitch. Then you die. So while staring at my navel the other day, I decided that that bitch happens in four stages. Here they are.

STAGE ONE: MIMICRY

We are born helpless. We can’t walk, can’t talk, can’t feed ourselves, can’t even do our own damn taxes.

As children, the way we’re wired to learn is by watching and mimicking others. First we learn to do physical skills like walk and talk. Then we develop social skills by watching and mimicking our peers around us. Then, finally, in late childhood, we learn to adapt to our culture by observing the rules and norms around us and trying to behave in such a way that is generally considered acceptable by society.

The goal of Stage One is to teach us how to function within society so that we can be autonomous, self-sufficient adults. The idea is that the adults in the community around us help us to reach this point through supporting our ability to make decisions and take action ourselves.

But some adults and community members around us suck. They punish us for our independence. They don’t support our decisions. And therefore we don’t develop autonomy. We get stuck in Stage One, endlessly mimicking those around us, endlessly attempting to please all so that we might not be judged.

In a “normal” healthy individual, Stage One will last until late adolescence and early adulthood. For some people, it may last further into adulthood. A select few wake up one day at age 45 realizing they’ve never actually lived for themselves and wonder where the hell the years went.

This is Stage One. The mimicry. The constant search for approval and validation. The absence of independent thought and personal values.

We must be aware of the standards and expectations of those around us. But we must also become strong enough to act in spite of those standards and expectations when we feel it is necessary. We must develop the ability to act by ourselves and for ourselves.

STAGE TWO: SELF-DISCOVERY

In Stage One, we learn to fit in with the people and culture around us. Stage Two is about learning what makes us different from the people and culture around us. Stage Two requires us to begin making decisions for ourselves, to test ourselves, and to understand ourselves and what makes us unique.

Stage Two involves a lot of trial-and-error and experimentation. We experiment with living in new places, hanging out with new people, imbibing new substances, and playing with new people’s orifices.

In my Stage Two, I ran off and visited fifty-something countries. My brother’s Stage Two was diving headfirst into the political system in Washington DC. Everyone’s Stage Two is slightly different because every one of us is slightly different.

Stage Two is a process of self-discovery. We try things. Some of them go well. Some of them don’t. The goal is to stick with the ones that go well and move on.

Stage Two lasts until we begin to run up against our own limitations. This doesn’t sit well with many people. But despite what Oprah and Deepak Chopra may tell you, discovering your own limitations is a good and healthy thing.

You’re just going to be bad at some things, no matter how hard you try. And you need to know what they are. I am not genetically inclined to ever excel at anything athletic whatsoever. It sucked for me to learn that, but I did. I’m also about as capable of feeding myself as an infant drooling applesauce all over the floor. That was important to find out as well. We all must learn what we suck at. And the earlier in our life that we learn it, the better.

So we’re just bad at some things. Then there are other things that are great for a while, but begin to have diminishing returns after a few years. Traveling the world is one example. Sexing a ton of people is another. Drinking on a Tuesday night is a third. There are many more. Trust me.

Your limitations are important because you must eventually come to the realization that your time on this planet is limited and you should therefore spend it on things that matter most. That means realizing that just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should do it. That means realizing that just because you like certain people doesn’t mean you should be with them. That means realizing that there are opportunity costs to everything and that you can’t have it all.

There are some people who never allow themselves to feel limitations — either because they refuse to admit their failures, or because they delude themselves into believing that their limitations don’t exist. These people get stuck in Stage Two.

These are the “serial entrepreneurs” who are 38 and living with mom and still haven’t made any money after 15 years of trying. These are the “aspiring actors” who are still waiting tables and haven’t done an audition in two years. These are the people who can’t settle into a long-term relationship because they always have a gnawing feeling that there’s someone better around the corner. These are the people who brush all of their failings aside as “releasing” negativity into the universe or “purging” their baggage from their lives.

At some point we all must admit the inevitable: life is short, not all of our dreams can come true, so we should carefully pick and choose what we have the best shot at and commit to it.

But people stuck in Stage Two spend most of their time convincing themselves of the opposite. That they are limitless. That they can overcome all. That their life is that of non-stop growth and ascendance in the world, while everyone else can clearly see that they are merely running in place.

In healthy individuals, Stage Two begins in mid- to late-adolescence and lasts into a person’s mid-20s to mid-30s. People who stay in Stage Two beyond that are popularly referred to as those with “Peter Pan Syndrome” — the eternal adolescents, always discovering themselves, but finding nothing.

STAGE THREE: COMMITMENT

Once you’ve pushed your own boundaries and either found your limitations (i.e., athletics, the culinary arts) or found the diminishing returns of certain activities (i.e., partying, video games, masturbation) then you are left with what’s both a) actually important to you, and b) what you’re not terrible at. Now it’s time to make your dent in the world.

Stage Three is the great consolidation of one’s life. Out go the friends who are draining you and holding you back. Out go the activities and hobbies that are a mindless waste of time. Out go the old dreams that are clearly not coming true anytime soon.

Then you double down on what you’re best at and what is best to you. You double down on the most important relationships in your life. You double down on a single mission in life, whether that’s to work on the world’s energy crisis or to be a bitching digital artist or to become an expert in brains or have a bunch of snotty, drooling children. Whatever it is, Stage Three is when you get it done.

Stage Three is all about maximizing your own potential in this life. It’s all about building your legacy. What will you leave behind when you’re gone? What will people remember you by? Whether that’s a breakthrough study or an amazing new product or an adoring family, Stage Three is about leaving the world a little bit different than the way you found it.

Stage Three ends when a combination of two things happen: 1) you feel as though there’s not much else you are able to accomplish, and 2) you get old and tired and find that you would rather sip martinis and do crossword puzzles all day.

In “normal” individuals, Stage Three generally lasts from around 30-ish-years-old until one reaches retirement age.

People who get lodged in Stage Three often do so because they don’t know how to let go of their ambition and constant desire for more. This inability to let go of the power and influence they crave counteracts the natural calming effects of time and they will often remain driven and hungry well into their 70s and 80s.

STAGE FOUR: LEGACY

People arrive into Stage Four having spent somewhere around half a century investing themselves in what they believed was meaningful and important. They did great things, worked hard, earned everything they have, maybe started a family or a charity or a political or cultural revolution or two, and now they’re done. They’ve reached the age where their energy and circumstances no longer allow them to pursue their purpose any further.

The goal of Stage Four then becomes not to create a legacy as much as simply making sure that legacy lasts beyond one’s death.

This could be something as simple as supporting and advising their (now grown) children and living vicariously through them. It could mean passing on their projects and work to a protégé or apprentice. It could also mean becoming more politically active to maintain their values in a society that they no longer recognize.

Stage Four is important psychologically because it makes the ever-growing reality of one’s own mortality more bearable. As humans, we have a deep need to feel as though our lives mean something. This meaning we constantly search for is literally our only psychological defense against the incomprehensibility of this life and the inevitability of our own death.6 To lose that meaning, or to watch it slip away, or to slowly feel as though the world has left you behind, is to stare oblivion in the face and let it consume you willingly.

WHAT’S THE POINT?

Developing through each subsequent stage of life grants us greater control over our happiness and well-being.7

In Stage One, a person is wholly dependent on other people’s actions and approval to be happy. This is a horrible strategy because other people are unpredictable and unreliable.

In Stage Two, one becomes reliant on oneself, but they’re still reliant on external success to be happy — making money, accolades, victory, conquests, etc. These are more controllable than other people, but they are still mostly unpredictable in the long-run.

Stage Three relies on a handful of relationships and endeavors that proved themselves resilient and worthwhile through Stage Two. These are more reliable. And finally, Stage Four requires we only hold on to what we’ve already accomplished as long as possible.

At each subsequent stage, happiness becomes based more on internal, controllable values and less on the externalities of the ever-changing outside world.

INTER-STAGE CONFLICT

Later stages don’t replace previous stages. They transcend them. Stage Two people still care about social approval. They just care about something more than social approval. Stage 3 people still care about testing their limits. They just care more about the commitments they’ve made.

Each stage represents a reshuffling of one’s life priorities. It’s for this reason that when one transitions from one stage to another, one will often experience a fallout in one’s friendships and relationships. If you were Stage Two and all of your friends were Stage Two, and suddenly you settle down, commit and get to work on Stage Three, yet your friends are still Stage Two, there will be a fundamental disconnect between your values and theirs that will be difficult to overcome.

Generally speaking, people project their own stage onto everyone else around them. People at Stage One will judge others by their ability to achieve social approval. People at Stage Two will judge others by their ability to push their own boundaries and try new things. People at Stage Three will judge others based on their commitments and what they’re able to achieve. People at Stage Four judge others based on what they stand for and what they’ve chosen to live for.